When You Can't Give Your Husband a Child

Infertility is a road no one should have to be on. But, it's one we've traveled for four long years.

 It's hard to describe the horrific, awful pain you feel when you cannot give your husband something he so desperately wants in life. My husband wants a child. I cannot give him a child.

I don't know why my body won't carry a baby. I don't know why our adoption failed.  I don't know why I struggle to get pregnant in the first place. But, one thing I don't talk about often is... sometimes... I don't know why my husband doesn't leave me.

It's time for some real talk. Our infertility is not truly our infertility. It's me. It's my infertility. Eric's sperm? It's beautiful... it's the stuff dreams are made of. My eggs? Well... if they're there at all... they're basically scrambled. Without me... Eric would probably have 10 little red-head adorable babies running around. 

And yet... in the last four years... not one time... not ONE SINGLE TIME has Eric blamed me for this struggle.

Eric is strong... stronger than almost any other person I know. He doesn't show his emotions easily, but this journey hurts him just as much as it hurts me.

Eric is special. He's an amazing husband. He is brave for me, even when I can't be. 

He held my hand through every painful procedure, he gave me no less than 50 injections, and he took care of me after surgery.  He cried with me when the doctor couldn't find our sweet baby girl on the sonogram anymore.

He took over with the social worker when I wasn't strong enough to handle it anymore. He took Will to visits and dealt with the lawyers when I was emotionally unable. He put Will in the car on that last day when I just couldn't bear to say goodbye. 

Eric deserves fatherhood. More than anyone I know. Seeing him hurt makes me hurt too.

Please help me to give my husband something that we both so desperately want. Because without you... we may never be parents.

https://www.gofundme.com/jarvis-family-private-adoption